“Faking It”

There comes a time in life where we realize the difference between Being Happy and Feeling Happy. It’s not always as soon as you’d expect the realization to be, but it happens. And when it happens, it happens when you’d least expect it… when you actually FIND happiness. The downfall of it is, when you find that Happiness… it depresses you to the fact that you’ve realized that all your life, you haven’t been happy. Which is what happened to me. So, I went to a Rave on Friday (the 13th)… and had the best time of my life. I was Intoxicated… not by Drugs, but by Happiness. The music was incredible… the people were so friendly and ALIVE. I WAS ALIVE. Not all Realizations happen at a Rave, but for me… it did. After the night had passed and I got home. I sat in my bed thinking for a few hours, I lost track of time. But it was more than 3 hours, in definite. Ever wonder what it’s like to not know what Happiness IS until you actually ARE happy, and when you ARE happy…. You realize that the whole time you THOUGHT you were happy… you were only Faking It? I mean, sure… we all think we’re happy because Life is splendid at times, and you’ve got your great Friends and whatnot. But what if that’s not enough? What if Happiness comes at a higher price? A harder push. We all wonder when we’ll be happy… so for the time being, we pretend we’re happy so that others won’t notice and sympathize about it, to us. We all have our Breakups and Breakdowns in life… but then again, there’s always a way out, as well as IN, in things. Such as Happiness. Sometimes when we actually are happy… we don’t necessarily think we DESERVE it because we’ve most likely have done some bad things in Life where we mentally project these Regrets. In MY case… I’ve been Projecting those Regrets at myself, back and forth…. Left and right. I’ve been literally attacking myself with the common need for punishment, because to be quite blunt… I’ve done nothing with my Life to deserve the Happiness I’ve met the other day. But, when I found it… I debated whether I should Keep it or Lost it. I’m Keeping it. What happens when Happiness doesn’t actually come at a price? What happens when all it takes is freedom of self? The opportunity to Live the way you want, Have Fun the way you want, BE the way you want? Happiness will be met. We all THINK we’re living the way we want… but sometimes in life, Thoughts aren’t all it takes. We all need to deploy a mission to ascertain the disposition and intent on living the way we actually WANT… not the way we THINK we want. When it comes to Happiness… “That which does not DESTROY you, only makes you Happy.”