My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

“Dressed To Thrill”

In the eyes of a normal person, you’d assume that they’re the sexiest or prettiest when they’re broken simply because it gives you the advantage at winning their hearts and making everything better for them, which in turn; makes the relationship pretty fucking strong. In the eyes of a horny stranger, you seem to be pretty damn hot when you have the whole “just had sex” vibe going on. It’s a pretty stupid transition when you think about it. When your Libido’s up, your Emotions are down. When your Emotion’s up, your Libido’s down. And people take advantage of whatever your appeal seems to be. But it irritates me sometimes, I mean … you show this or that, and people take whatever it is they see. What you see really isn’t what you get though. I believe that is such bullshit juxtaposition. There’s so much more to a person than what’s in front of you or what’s on the outside. There’s always the inside. Frankly nobody seems to give a shit or two about what’s inside of you, in a more spiritual and emotional level.

I met a guy about a week ago, his name was Corey, he was 28 years old, a writer and he really caught my eye. He glanced at me as I walked passed him and didn’t stop looking. Of course, little ‘ole me looked back quite a few times but I didn’t stop to talk to him because I had this instinct, a really strong instinct that he was only looking for a fresh piece of ass. But as I was about 40 feet away from him, he yelled out; “Don’t be so shy!”
I found it to be somehow romantic and unfortunately I got all giddy and gave in. I called him over; we talked, walked, kissed, such and such.
The night couldn’t have been any more perfect… but I was wrong; wrong about him.

Two days after that amazing night, he called me and asked me out. We had yet another great day, or at least half of a great day.
We walked for what seemed to be hours, talked, laughed, and kissed in between. We made a stop by the Hudson River and lay on the great, green grass. He took a snooze a few times, while I just watched and caressed him. I thought I was falling in love.

After a few hours of that, we walked some more; made a stop by a café and had something to drink. By that time, our sexual anticipation was high and it was then when he walked to the restroom when he called over to follow him in.
Sure, it was stupid of me to go in and practically have sex with him on the second date but what can I say? He was amazing.
We got in the restroom, which by the way was very clean and big, we stroked each other, sucked each other off, he fucked me and that was that.

Afterwards, it might’ve been about 8:30pm when he said he had to go.
My god did I feel like shit?! He fucks my brains out and decides to ditch me? Gees! It was as if he lost interest in what we’ve had together (emotionally) the night(s) before, after we had sex, which in turn; fulfilled his main initiative (sexually). It made my instinct completely right. What’s ironic is how he kept telling me how he never beats around the bush or sugarcoats anything. BULLSHIT! But in a way, I don’t necessarily hold this consumptively huge grudge on him. I mean, I dress sexy. Of course people are going to make the assumption that I’m dressed to fuck someone’s brains out or dressed to thrill. But that’s not the case. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be judge by my cover. Besides, I don’t want to have to always dress so gloomy and grim just to finally have what it is I want … Love. It makes me wonder though ….. When you’re out there looking for whatever it is you yearn, why should there have to be a dresscode?


Blogger Peter Frank said...

Hey Riles,

Just finished reading your post and all I can think to say at this moment is damn. While I understand how this guy came on to you and appeared to want more than just sex ... in the end that is exactly what he wanted.

Why is it that so many guys are like him? Can it be that there is hardly anyone who feels like we do? Who wants more ... and is willing to wait for the right guy to get the whole instead of just a part?

I know it seems that way but I know that guys like us are out there ... heaven knows where ... but most likely sitting at home at this pc working a blogger or in a chat room. When you think about it, that's where they have to be because for the most part I think guys who are out prowling are the ones who are just into sex. With that statement comes an issue that I feel greatly affects alot of us who stay at home ... and that is "low self esteem." For whatever reasons I know that alot of people that I know in chat have this problem to some extent ... myself included. Either we've been through the agony of trying to find a real person who wants what we want and went through hell to make ourself fit as perfectly as we could so that that person would accept us and want us resulting in loosing ourselves as a person.

I have seen it personally and with others even in chat. Trying to be someone we are not only for acceptance but in the end disappointing those who have cared about us from the start.

Oh, I could go on about how the "lifestyle" (I hate that word as it is so inappropriate!) and how society in general has made it even harder for us but that would be a very long comment.

Riles as you may know I don't usually respond with a comment to any blog user but when I read this I felt I needed to respond.

I don't have any answers ... just more questions. I think you hit on something that could develop into some really good conversation and at the same time maybe even help out alot of us who are struggling with who we are and what we want in our lives (especially as gay men).

As always, I praise your hard work here and your ability to be able to be honest with yourself and everyone who reads your posts.

And just so you know, I Loves Ya Riles.

Hugs to you,


August 30, 2004 3:46 PM  
Blogger DJ hedRUSH said...

Tell me about it.

In political terms; the society practically FUCKED us [homosexuals] by controversing the whole "Same-Sex Marriage" ordeal. Which in turn; makes every other gay man out there afraid to commit with someone because of the controversy.

I personally think it all comes down to that.
That's why people are so scared to commit [meaning us gays]... because we're constantly struggling to keep our existence from being anything less than normal. in turn; that makes it this constant maze, as to what we should go after because frankly---the society makes us who we are. Unforunately that's a bad thing 'cuz obviously ..... nobody ever knows who they are.

Most of the time; I feel that those who are real, and are everything in a person that we're looking for; are right under our noses and we don't even know it.
Whether it'd be a local friend or one consisted of the Chatting Realm. The right person is out there somewhere.

But what bothers me is how this society doesn't necessarily grant us the same privileges as Heterosexuals. Which in turn; makes the majority of homosexuals closeted and discreet --- keeping away from the publicity and discrimination.

This world's a fucked up place, ain't it?
I'd rather stick to the internet, find someone who's worthwhile in the longrun.... take things from there.
Cuz out there in the real world....
.... people are fucking psychotic. LOL.

and btw; I love ya too XOXO

August 31, 2004 1:47 PM  

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