My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, January 03, 2005

“News of the Year”


Life and Death,
Rebirth and Redeath…
It all seems pointless when you try and find its value.

The good guys die because the bad guy’s got the gun.
The bad guy’s trial gets dismissed because he had enough money and/or power to convince his lawyer and psychiatrist to take part in his plea of Legal Insanity; or at least to convince the Judge he’s not a dangerous person—only because he’s helping his henchmen make a living.
Hence—Value.
People underestimate it and sometimes even overrate it—just to profit from it.
Hence—Power.
Frankly, you have it; if you have Value (a.k.a. Money, in Today’s world.)

On New Year’s Day, my mother had a minor Heart-Attack.
When I called her to check in on her, she had mentioned it wasn’t the first time…
And then I got to thinking about her Value to me—in terms of connectivity—on a scale of Emotions and Parenthood.
I never met my father and she wasn’t always there in my life as I grew up and became who I am today (even though I’m still trying to ascertain who—in fact—I have become)

In a world where background overlooks potency and power is only given to those who were born in the background with that certain eligible asset…
It’s no surprise when you and the family are the only ones who grieve for a sickly loved one.
Whereas if you had Power, Value (lowercase Money), and that fucking Background…
NY1 has you covered, literally.

Everything—Value, Background, Power—even accounts for who you’re eligible to date; Which unfortunately, makes my biggest mistake the one when I left the only person who ever loved me—for me, and not my fucking power or background but rather my value—to him—as another human being, trying to make it out; Alive, Well and Powerfully in love.

Life is full of surprises.
You can spite something (or someone) one minute, in the light of all they hadn’t done for you.
Or even for trying to do something; for you, for him, for “us”.
And then the next minute—it tests you, by either taking it away or warning you (via Heart-Attack) to take desperate measures and get your shit together.

But tell me…
Why is it everyone’s karma to pull together for the things that hadn’t loved you, and get taken away from the thing(s) or Person that did?!


After all my efforts, achievements and under-achievements; struggles, bouts, break-ups and break-downs; successes and short-comings…

I still don’t know who I am.
What my Value is.
Or even what Power(s) I have.

All I know is…
It’s time to take desperate measures.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

For some reason we don't really realize whats gone or almost gone until it happens...in life...i lost my sister as you know in a horrendous car accident, and didn't realize how i had it with her till she was gone...unfourtuneltly i didn't get the chance to tell her what i needed to say.

Your a splendid writer and could go far with your writtings......luv ya riley....Kriss

January 03, 2005 11:19 PM  
Blogger Khevor said...

There is such a thing as reading too much into things. If the heart attack was a message to you, I'd be more inclined to think *you'd* be the one to have it. On the flipside of that coin, it *could* be a warning to you that an improvement in the relationship is needed before it's too late to change it.

As for karma, you have to think of balance. You do bad shit, it comes back. You do good things, that too comes back. It balances out.

On the note of value and who you are, I'll tell you this: You are as valuable as you think you are. No more, no less. It's all a matter of perspective. As for discovering who you are, you never will. Not completely, at any rate. You are who you are. That person changes every moment of every day in every action or inaction you take. You are the total sum of every experience you've ever had. All you can do is take it or leave it. You want to know who you are, you have to figure out who you've been.

January 22, 2005 11:44 AM  

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