“What It Is To Learn”

Once upon a time.... there were 2 men. Once they met, they instantly fell in love. Their relationship instantly began... and it was splendid. As it progressed, they learned that the relationship had one flaw... a Lack of Physical Contact. It seemed that the more they tried, leading to failure... caused them to slowly fall apart. Knowing that falling apart isn’t something they want happening, they tried to not worry about it and continued the relationship. As it went on, he learned more about his lover, but tried not to confront him about it, for the sake of happiness. Until his lover brought up the whole ‘Let’s Hang Out’ ordeal. Overwhelmed by the concept.... he was quick to respond. Later that night, it was time to meet up with his Lover... he waited for about 2 hours before he gave up on waiting, and went home. It turns out, his lover stood him up. When he got home that night, he went straight to sleep... disappointed, depressed, angry. The next day, he called up his lover, and confronted him about it... and everything else. As always, his lover had nothing but “excuses”. Knowing that he was vulnerable, and in love... he accepted the excuses as reasonable rationality. After a year has passed, the relationship STILL hasn’t gone anywhere. There came a time when his lover, once again, brought up the whole “Let’s Hang Out” bullshit, but this time.... it was to be at his lover’s house, for 2 weeks. So, he felt highly confident, and accepted the invitation. When the day came that he would head out and go to his lover’s house, he was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t get in touch with him AT ALL. He tried calling but it seemed he wasn’t home. Angry... Disappointed... Depressed, he found himself in a loophole, back in the same situation he tried so hard to walk away from. He didn’t want to speak to his lover... and still doesn’t. He’s debating whether or not he should continue to live within this repetition, or move on. He came to the terms, and decided he HAS to move on.

Sometimes in Life... we find ourselves back to the one thing we need to get away from, and of course we’re going to be disappointed. What happens when you’ve tried to move on several times before, but found yourself running in circles... and back to that one compelling thing you’ve been hurting to get the fuck away from? Nothing. Except more disappointment, depression, and anger. I’m not going to go through with this for another year... possibly even more than a year this time. I’m moving on. I’ve been convinced lately, that he and I aren’t meant to be after all. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just communication and emotions. I need more than that... I can’t settle for less, for subtleties. In a way, throughout this whole experience... I’ve learned so much about him, especially last week. I’ve learned that he’s some kind of sadist, who takes advantage of my weaknesses to lure me in, and push me away.... just so he can feel empowered by the ordeal. I’m not going to be a fool anymore... I’m not going to be his fool anymore. When it comes to happiness... why settle for less?