My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

They crucify Romantics, right?

To my pleasant surprise, my pops told me of an event that occurred at his workplace the other night. He was never much of the open conversationalist that acknowledged my sexuality type.

At his restaurant the other night, there were two men having a nice delicate dinner together. After some time, one of the men eventually stood up beside the table and got down on his knee to propose to what would be his future spouse. And after the jaw-dropping public display of obviously more than affection for each other, in the form of a passionate kiss to seal the deal, everyone had gotten up to cheer them. This isn't a common occurrence you'd find in a 4-star restaurant, let alone anywhere in public.

Just hearing that coming from the words of my pops, with a smile on his face, uplifted what little hope I had buried deep down. To think there are people out there, gay even, who will go the distance to show his lover how much he means to him, and how much he wants to spend his life with him, rattled the cage that I had locked my inner subservient in; the silent slave to the idea of true romance and unconditional love. Maybe it rattled me, or maybe it caught me off guard, just as I was teetering on a very thin thread and a loss of hope for love in the gay world. But somehow I find myself refreshed and rather hopeful for my self.

Maybe it was a diamond in the rough, this incident, or a needle in the hay; or I could be playing my cynics card and pretending to basque in my belief that they'll probably not last for more than 2 months. But I'd be a liar if I said I'm not sitting here, sulking, wondering when something like that would happen for me.

Monogamy is a beautiful thing, whenever its elusive grasp is finally gripped. It's a shame so many men avoid it like a disease. Men revel as interlopes and writhe at the thought of being tied down with another person. Ironically enough, we tell ourselves at least once a day that it would be nice to settle down and fall in love, but when push comes to shove, we run in the other direction. We beg and plead, to whatever god we may not believe in, to help us through the assholes to get to the good guys; and when the good guy comes along, as rarely as it ever happens, we push them away when they start to get too close. Why is it that we can hope so much for something, but the minute it gets too close for comfort, we push it aside and chew up our words?

I'd like to think that in theory, men are born with a complex; one that nullifies their sense of security with other people. Naturally we have trust-issues with anyone intimately interested in us. Sure the sex can be great and bedroom antics can skyrocket to a borderline "match"; but as soon as opening up to that person on a level far more intimate than sex comes into play, we tick. This tick is more of a tourettes response to emotional inquity, and as a result, we indecently turn the tables on a person in an effort to push them away, without directly having to do so.

Too bad they can't prescribe us Haloperidol for our emotional tourette syndrome. But I guess for now, we can strap a rubber-band on and slap ourselves on the wrist whenever we might tick. Who knows what may come of a person we push away, for the sake of some proverbial trust-issue we pretend to have, to spare ourselves the trouble of getting it wrong.


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