My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Mood Fling

When we were younger, it was always about the "next best thing," or in that case, the next hot guy. But as we grow older, it seems to exude not the next best thing, but rather "the last resort."

When I was younger, my standards were set so high, I could literally be diagnosed text-book narcissist. I'd go for the guys I knew everybody would want; the kind that would make me feel good about myself. But now as I'm older, I glance at those kinds of guys and just as easily look away, and instead, I find interest in the kind that make me feel good.

There may not seem to be much of a difference in the concept, but when it comes down to it, we pick our guys based on our moods. It's like a Mood Ring...
When we're feeling hot and red, we spark interest in someone you could find in an underwear catalog.
If we're feeling down and blue, we settle for someone not within our standards out of pity or some sense of self-loathing.
Sometimes we'll feel bright and orange and look for someone who stimulates us intellectually,
or often times we can feel greedy and green and go out with someone we know will pay for the food and even the drinks.

We have our ABC's to spell out our words, maybe there's some mood-factor to color-coordinate the men we pick. Our moods are ever-changing and I know it's safe to assume our interests in guys can be incorporated in a peculiar pattern. How it plays out that way is simple: we reflect.
Sure, we got our ABC's and the words to speak up on to express how we feel, but sometimes talk is cheap. Sometimes we need to act out in some way and often times, the result is to absorb those moods in the company of someone who can articulate what we feel with how they are.

We react with words to dress our expressions, and express our moods with a guy that can suit them, and suit ourselves with outfits that represent how we feel; and how we feel can be the sum of our ever-changing patterns. In fact, I believe we can assume every choice we make in our every-day-lives can be matched with a color, or mood, or pattern.
Anything from an executive decision, to what you eat, where you go out, what kind of cocktail you order, what music you're listening to, what time you go to sleep, and even moreso -- when you wake up.

We are examples of the sum of ever-changing patterns...
And defined by the actions we make to cater to them.


There's a limit to how much you should expect from a person, when they themselves limit how much they can give you. Sure, you may give it your all and be tried, tested, and true, but in the long-run, or at the end of it, there's not much left to go by and the only thing left to give is a standing ovation and your last goodbye.

Some people make it a point to show you and remind you how much they're willing to devote themselves, if not to the memory of the way things were, but also to this existential ideal that some things work themselves out. But at what point do they realize it doesn't work out to their liking, but rather to an inconvenient yet theoretical opposing factor?

I used to be a big believer of the metaphor "Opposites Attract," but over time, and after careful consideration, I got to thinking...

Well, if that were true, then why do magnets repel each other?

Why is "White" the absence of color, when "Black" is the abundance of them?

Why does the color Red represent both Rage and Passion and not one or the other?

There's so many questions to the false ideals of life we were raised to accept, but never taught how to question. And over time, we learn the only answer to follow is that it just is.

Why does it feel good to entangle yourself in the tinges of things that aren't good for you?

-Because it does.

Why does Lust excite you more than Love, when both can be incorporated within each other, without some petty fine line we were taught separates the two?

-Because it does.

You see, when we ask the questions, it's so easy to answer with the most cliche response. But why is it that when we're faced with a more ambivalent question like, "Why did the relationship go sour?" or "Why can't he let me go?" you're dumb-fucked for any answers?

We wake with the notion that the day can bring good, but never sleep with the idea that things can go wrong. We prepare ourselves and open ourselves to the possibilities, but never consider the consequence(s).

-Will this risk endanger my well-being?

-Will stringing this relationship on make it harder to get out of?

-Will being a kind and courteous human being be translated into being interested?

-Will I ever be severed from the ties of a relationship I allowed to happen when I shouldn't have?

When you don't have the answers to the most basic questions, you start to obsess and maybe even involve yourself more than you should, for the sake of the most obvious answers.



-Of course


It's a phase you go through when you lose your touch, and stumble to your defeat by the loophole that is life, when it leaves you loathing; questioning your self-worth. Yet even while we question our own worth, we fail to ask the one last simple question...

Was it worth it?