My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Friday, February 27, 2004

“Ignorant Bliss”

What does one do when he realizes that all his life, he’s been struggling for this thing we call “Love”, looking for it in all the wrong places, finally attains it, but runs away from it when he does? What’s a guy to do when an Identity is something he doesn’t have, when Representation wasn’t something he’s achieved? When Life itself has brought him down so much, to the point where he believes in the things that brought him down. Such as non-existence. Such as a Mistaken Identity. Such as being Uncared for. Such as not wanting to Live…. Such as being Alone. Such as being Misunderstood. They say True Love is the key to all existence… then why do I feel so alone, so battered, so… Dead? If Love brings Life then why has it brought me a Death existence? Why has Love been the main consonant in my life, knowing that it’ll bring me down to the point where I will reconsider letting it get to me? Why do people allow themselves to hurt over mistaken actions? What does one do when Love IS in fact the ONLY consonant in his life, but it never seems to go right? People fall in love, from left to right, north to south, and they rely on it to erase whatever trouble they have in their life… whatever issue is eating at them. But yet, in doing so—relying on Love, becomes yet another Issue to one’s collection. We all ask ourselves if Love is in fact, the art of resolution… the act of feeling Alive. But why does it always seem to be the opposite? The art of Failure… the Act of feeling Dead. They say when you fall in love, it is the act of Growing up, Understanding… Evolving. But how can that be true if all it ever does is make us feel less of ourselves? How can Love be so overrated when deep down inside every single persons heart… they know it can resolve Nothing unless it’s perfect. Not to mention, Perfection does not exist. How can we all literally hunt down this thing called ‘Love’ when we all know it won’t solve anything, it’ll only make things worse once it’s over… which IS a definite possibility because as they say; “Nothing Gold Can Stay”. Why do we let ourselves fall into these ruts without even considering the outcomes? We all go after Love, expecting it to be some higher price of God’s wisdom, when really… Independence is the True Wisdom. There is no greater Love than the Love of Self, the ability to conquer and embellish throughout all of life’s obstacles, all of Life’s games…. All of life’s Issues. So, When it comes striving for Love…. How do we always seem to end up hurting ourselves even more than we sought out to be in the first place?

Thursday, February 26, 2004

“On The Run”

There comes a time in Life, or in a Relationship… where you debate certain decisions before actually making them, for the fact being that either decision can change your life. But what happens when you find yourself ridiculed by the fact that you know what decision you SHOULD make… but you feel as if there’s something missing, something that can possibly be hiding behind the OTHER decision. I’ve realized over the days that me and Jason are meant to be. Hell, we’ve even recon ciliated. But now that I know he’s the one… I’m just not ready for it yet. I’m not ready to commit to something that’s flawless, yet. I’m striving for more experience before I spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I mean, here I am… finally over the whole Insecurity concept and finally SOCIAL, rather than Anti-Social. And I finally realize that Jason’s the one. All-in-All, this is PERFECT. Or so I thought. Something’s missing… it could be Experience, it could be chemistry… it could be anything. But it’s binding me down to the point where I have to choose whether or not I’m ready for Resplendence, or if I need to learn from my mistakes some more. I’ve realized that when this time comes in someone’s life… it’s not rather what you FEEL that you should rely on to make a decision, but more like what you KNOW. Because sometimes, it’s Knowledge that helps us make our decisions… it’s not always Emotions. Sure, Emotions lead us to the door, but Knowledge helps us understand WHAT’S behind the door… and deploys us to open the door. So, when it comes to making a Decision…. What the fuck brings us to making more than one?

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

“Friends and Trends”

I’ve always grown to wonder what it means to “take it laying down.” Does it simply mean being defenseless? If it does…. We’ve all taken things laying down. So why make a big fuss about it? I mean, sure… we’ve all gone through some bad times but there’s no reason to throw your own tragedy on someone else. It’s all in perspective once you’ve ascertained the drama. Either way, isn’t the whole ‘Drama’ thing so 1980’s? Why do people make the biggest fuss about the littlest things and expect everybody to sympathize for them and give them the casual attention they were after in the first place? What’s the whole deal with deploying yourself to extremes just for the slightest bit of attention? Attention seems to be something major in this world, considering almost 90% of it literally hunts for it. Attention begets a Crowd which begets a Scene which eventually begets a possible bonding between those who’ve witnessed the action. But why can’t people just be decadent for once and be HUMAN BEINGS, rather than Demons running rampant? We’ve all got our Drama’s, our Trauma’s, and our Like’s and Dislike’s… so why bother? When it comes to glorification and satisfaction, I see no difference. They both basically mean to be pleased, don’t they? So many people in this world cause such dramatic events and bring it on others to resolve, even strangers. Because deep down inside… it’s not safety they’re after, it’s attention. And the part that sucks, they’re such good actors when it comes down to that. When it comes to personal gratification or satisfaction, and sharing the ideals with others…. Are we really just striving for attention?

Sunday, February 22, 2004

“Simply Unforgettable”

When you find yourself rather biding the effect of being tangled up in a mess you can’t seem to get yourself out of, you turn to someone else’s help, possibly even a few people’s help. Such as friends, or family. Because when you try to untangle something on your own, you eventually make it worse and find it harder to untangle (in most cases, that is). What happens when you can’t turn to anyone, due to the fact that they have so much faith in you, and think you can ‘untangle’ the ‘knot’ on your own, so to speak? What happens when Faith isn’t something you have, but you don’t want to disappoint anybody by revealing the concept to them? You find yourself tangled in an even BIGGER ‘knot’. There’s an up and down to every possible thing you can think of in Life. And there’s a way to break away from the tie that binds you down. It isn’t necessarily easy to untangle yourself out of some kind of conundrum but with a little help, anything’s possible. Even though Help isn’t easy to find, sometimes, you attain the kind of help you’ve never expected yourself to attain. Such as an ex, or memories, or even the littlest things that help you make it through each day. And sometimes, it’s even these little things that get us tangled due to the ex, the memories… the regrets. So what happens when the things that help you get by, end up getting you down? Memories..... The kind of Help that gets us by, or the tangled knot that binds us down?