Long Distance Heartbreak

It's no secret that technology has taken over the world. We have automated mechanisms for every day duties; and computers to act as the person behind the counter, or across the table, or behind the glass window. But there's that one person that nearly catches you by surprise... The one that's across the country, but feels more real than anything you've ever encountered.

It starts as a casual chat to pass your time, when you're stuck at home one day and at a loss for a social life, and suddenly you realize you're having a good time. It's like an ordinary acquaintance between any two people who meet in person; questions are asked, topics are discussed, you get to know each other, and somewhere in between you find yourself interested enough to swap phone numbers.

It doesn't even phase you that they're 2100 miles away, because when you're talking to them, it feels like they're right beside you; breathing the same air, synchronized in thought, making the butterflies in your stomach flutter, and no sooner than later you're starting to like them.They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and now I understand why. There's a certain degree of innocence and safety when harm is not within arm's reach; there's no messing up, and even if you do, doesn't seem like too much of a loss. There's no room for anger when tensions build up, because you're just not there to know you're messing up. And there's no hard feelings if you or him lied. But it's still funny how there's all this safety for bad end-results, but never a warning or precaution against falling in love.

If you think it takes physicality to fall for someone, you're gravely mistaken, and so was I. I never knew exactly what unconditional love meant until I met him. Granted the desire to really feel the person and be able to touch them is at an all-time high, but love doesn't work that way. If they can put a smile on your face for the rest of the day; become your every thought and never cease to cross your mind; make you miss them even when you're talking to them; and jump for joy when you see their name show up on your Caller ID... That's love, too.

It's never meant to happen but you can't help it. When feelings get involved, it's no-holds barred; there's no saying how or when, but when it happens, you can't go wrong. If they give you what you need when it comes to your heart's desire, well then that's all it really boils down to.Sadly this existentialism in a long distance love affair can only last so long. Some weeks, others months, very rarely years. But eventually one or the other becomes discouraged, by letting time factor what they're feeling inside, because they're not feeling it on the outside.

In my case, I guess hope was lost, thinking it could never be... Although I would've done ANYTHING to assure it surely could be; even traveling half-way across the country, if it meant prolonging that beautiful feeling.Patience was a virtue, but there's a fine line between being patient and being strung along. But I guess when you're in love, you don't realize how much time has gone by... Because it stands still.

He never knew I fell for him this hard, and probably never will.
I just wish he'd at least know he'll always hold a special place in my heart.
For now, for a while... Forever.

Realationship

Emotions are a tricky part in the game we call love.

There are the kind you feel, the kind you don't feel,
the kind you don't know if you feel,
and the kind you don't want to feel.

When exposed to either of said matters, it's like opening Pandora's Box and struggling in a race to find balance. Balance, in this case, is a pendulum-esque exchange in power, or rather a reversal of roles... Ping-ponging responsibility and succumbing to compromise.

Where the emotions come in play, is the willingness to allow another person, for the sake of like/love, exploit your strengths and weaknesses to convince, if not manipulate you (in most cases) into this compromise.

Most people mistake emotions for those cookie-cutter high-school crushes we've all had; trading off reality for fantasy in an effort to keepsake childish endearment.
But that's the fantasy of it.
The reality - less pleasing to embrace - is that a relationship isn't something you take for granted because of how it makes you feel, but rather what you can build and accomplish with this person, based on characteristics, logic, shared interest(s) and possibly even goals.

The topsy-turvy, though, is letting all the "stuff" in between cloud your initiative.
And it's that "stuff" that people often take for granted and allow to define what a relationship really is... Partnership.

A Simple Kiss

They say the gateway through one's soul is through one's eyes.
And love, admittedly, is what puts one's soul at peace.
The one common, and most crucial factor in any relationship, is the kiss.

You know... The kiss that makes your head spin.
The kiss to ease the pain.
The kiss good night.
The kiss good morning.
The kiss to set the mood.
The kiss to end that argument.
The kiss on top of kisses that makes your day, and the next, worth it.

So, if the gateway to one's soul is through one's eyes...
Why does it all boil down to that kiss--and better yet--Why do we close our eyes when we kiss?

Maybe they were wrong.
Maybe the transgressions that come to play, when lips are locked, play a less evident role in the game of love. Although we may not be aware of it, it's the kiss we long for.
It's not about the sex, the bodyheat, the orgasm(s).
It's not about the sweating and panting, the head banging against the headboard.
It's not about the bodies meeting the anatomy's needs...
It's about the kiss.

The way it moves you.
The way it flusters you.
The way it puts that smile on your face for the rest of the day.
The way it makes you long for more.
It's the kiss and the way it reassures you that, there's always that kiss...

The kiss whose impact I miss.

The Spotlight Tragedy

Share your life with me...
For the next 10 minutes?

It was brought to my attention by one of my best friends, that the logic of going out in brief "Coffee" dates actually serves more of a purpose, than killing time and (briefly) getting to know someone... And I'm here to tackle that idea.

These alleged Coffee dates, brief nonetheless,
serve as means to garnering a physical attraction to someone, especially if it's a first meet.
A coffee date is exactly as it entales: A coffee.
There are no ulterior motives, and certainly no guarantee that it will last anywhere past that ONE coffee. There's always room for excuses to ditch the person, with subtlety, as opposed to sticking around for, say, a whole movie, or dinner.

We all know how that goes...
Spending money on ticket(s) to a movie you either won't enjoy, or can't enjoy because contrary to who your present company is, it has generally disinterested you in the idea of the movie to begin with.

But there's Dinner too...
Paying an atrocious amount of money for food you could've enjoyed for half the price, not to mention putting up with the Interrogation process, in the form of "21 Questions;"
"Hello! I'm trying to enjoy my dinner and wine (or strong cocktail at this point)"
Dinner dates are either trainwrecks or arousing.

There's so much to tell about a person over the course of a meal;
How they present their physical appearance to accomidate the setting;
Their mannerisms at the table;
Their eating habits;
And even what they decide to talk about, if you observe it close enough.
But you see... Most guys aren't prepared for these kinds of dates, because it's an ego complex for them. It's either they don't want to be the asshole that rejects you, if they're not into you... Or they aren't prepared to handle what comes after the surprise of them finding an interest in you; albeit whether it's in or out of the bedroom.

Or maybe the economy is just that bad, that it's even affecting our dating lives...
But that's just wishful thinking.

So, when you think about it, it's guys that aren't man enough to face the good or bad results of a proper date, that tend to downsize and date in smaller doses, or even in moderation.