My So-Called Love Life

This site -- my anthology -- is the story of a man, a young man, trying to find his way to love. Experiencing everything in between and serving you his heart on a silver-freaking-platter to the naked eye, for the whole world to see; relate, indulge, delve, and hopefully learn from his mistakes. Happy Dating! Copyright © 2004-2011, "My So-Called Love Life" ® Mario Ion. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

“The Way We WEREN’T”

They say “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder”, that can work with Truth as well. I’ve really been embellished with the fact that “Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder.” They say when Women have sex, they produce a chemical that causes them to emotionally attach, and fall in love. I say, when Men fall in love… they grow a Third Eye that can see through the truth of the concept which helps them make their decision. Sometimes, we seemingly make the wrong decision, to our friends… but they’re not the one’s who fell in love, now are they? There comes a time in life where you meet someone, who just isn’t what she/he seems. So, you observe, and analyze. Sometimes that person can even set off mixed signals about what they are, in terms of Sexuality. But, then again… who doesn’t wear a shell nowadays? Sometimes we need to crack that shell of theirs to get inside and see the real them, without the cover, protection, shell. And THAT’S how we make our decision(s). But what happens when you meet a guy who sets off signals that convince you of his sexuality being challenged… you try to figure out if you’ll ever have a chance with them, meanwhile… you’re friends encourage you that you can. Thus leading you to fall a little harder. But then something happens… the signals gone. You feel hopeless…. Who’s to say that things won’t change? EVERYTHING CHANGES. So what changed? My third eye was exposed and I saw through the truth. Let’s get into detail; So, you meet a guy who convinces you that he’s either Bi-Sexual or Gay, and you let yourself fall, just because you really want to be with this person. But then you realize they aren’t what they seem, AT ALL. In fact, they only seem they’re what they seem because that’s just the way they’ve introduced themselves to you, and everyone they know. For instance, Danny’s a wild guy. He loves his car, loves “women”, loves Sex. But that’s how he introduced himself and represented himself to us… to me. But, I fell… my third eye became exposed… I took a deeper look. And I saw the Truth. Being that he isn’t who he introduced himself as, at all. In fact, he’s just as lost as me. A hopeless romantic. A lonely lover. Sometimes in life, people introduce themselves to others as something they’re not, to hide the fact that they have weaknesses, as everyone else does. But hiding it can set off all these mixed signals to others, as to what the fuck they want out of life… love. So we eventually jump to conclusions, and try to make decisions out of what we THINK, rather than what we KNOW. Sometimes we just have to let these things pass us by… otherwise they’d never get on the last train home. I’ve also grown to wonder why people, who ARE in fact sexually challenged, Deny it. I mean, it just isn’t right to resort yourself to just one fucking gender. It’s Human fucking Nature to love both. That’s what Love is all about… the ability to withdraw from casualties such as ignorant people’s comments and judgments, and to live and love freely without worrying about what others think. It’s not for them to Judge either way. It’s only for you to judge. So why the fuck do so many people hide their true colors just to please others and give THEM the satisfaction of their sex lives and love lives? It’s just so ridiculous… the whole ideal of homophobia and the whole concept that “It should just be Man and Woman.” Bullshit. That’s bias, cruel and sexist. They tell us as if it’s all about Sex, and what other’s would image it as. It’s not about that… AT ALL. It’s about Love. As I’ve said, it’s Human fucking Nature to love both. If you fall for a Man, so be it. If you fall for a Woman, so fucking be it. Nobody has the right to take claim on what’s right or wrong except yourself… so why DENY yourself?
Denial: The Key to a Respected Identity, or the Door that Shuts it Out?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

“The Out Crowd”

Everyone always wonders what the hell is up with those couples that keep it in the dark. And why they can’t make they’re relationship public. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to seclude you and your loved one away from the public. And just kept it up to the 2 of you. Sometimes in Life, we can’t always share things with the whole world. For instance, a relationship. I’ve been beginning to wonder if it’s the right thing to do, to hide it and keep it discreet. I mean, when you think about it… what’s the point in showing the world? I mean, there’s always going to be the ones that judge you, and make irritating comments and talk shit. So, why do we literally aim for this? Why do we let others have our relationships? Why can’t we just keep it in the dark, while it’s definitely lit? I’ve always wondered why people make comments either way, I mean… could it be jealousy? Or Envy? Or could it be that THEY see something wrong with the relationship that WE don’t?

When it comes to keeping it in the Light… Does the Light of the Public blind us of the truth?


When it comes to keeping it in the Dark… Do we see the truth because of the Lightness of the relationship?

Monday, February 16, 2004

“Disappearing Facts”

Everybody has a moment in life after a serious relationship ends, where they debate whether they should move on or try to reconsider. What happens when wanting to move on, because of the depression… becomes our major initiative... NOT because we WANT to move on, but because we feel we SHOULD move on? What happens when we challenge ourselves by putting ourselves down for the fact being that maybe we just don’t want to move on? I found myself in an epiphany last night. I realized that I’ve been blinded by the ideal of actually moving on and forgetting everything that went on between me and my ex. It all comes down to the Facts.

1) Should I leave him because things didn’t work out or should I stay cuz I still love him?
2) If things WERE to work out, would things be better or worse?
3) If Moving on means forgetting…. Am I really up for that?

I’ve come to the conclusion that when we actually consider moving on… we don’t fully extend ourselves to the facts and knowledge that things COULD be better if we just had faith. The ironic thing is, Faith was my ultimatum. Why? Because I truly didn’t have any, at all. So what happens when the idea of moving on blinds you from these epiphanies? What happens when Moving On becomes Running Away? What happens when you DO move on, but find yourself lost in transition for the fact being that you haven’t taken the time to comprehend these things? What happens if not taking the time to think, rather than rushing things because we’re so blinded by the ideal of moving on, opens the path to yet another dismay? What happens when "Breaking Up" really just means "Time Out", but we're too hurt, stupid, and BLIND to realize it, so we try to "Move On" without even considering the outcomes? Moving On: True or False?

Sunday, February 15, 2004

“Faking It”

There comes a time in life where we realize the difference between Being Happy and Feeling Happy. It’s not always as soon as you’d expect the realization to be, but it happens. And when it happens, it happens when you’d least expect it… when you actually FIND happiness. The downfall of it is, when you find that Happiness… it depresses you to the fact that you’ve realized that all your life, you haven’t been happy. Which is what happened to me. So, I went to a Rave on Friday (the 13th)… and had the best time of my life. I was Intoxicated… not by Drugs, but by Happiness. The music was incredible… the people were so friendly and ALIVE. I WAS ALIVE. Not all Realizations happen at a Rave, but for me… it did. After the night had passed and I got home. I sat in my bed thinking for a few hours, I lost track of time. But it was more than 3 hours, in definite. Ever wonder what it’s like to not know what Happiness IS until you actually ARE happy, and when you ARE happy…. You realize that the whole time you THOUGHT you were happy… you were only Faking It? I mean, sure… we all think we’re happy because Life is splendid at times, and you’ve got your great Friends and whatnot. But what if that’s not enough? What if Happiness comes at a higher price? A harder push. We all wonder when we’ll be happy… so for the time being, we pretend we’re happy so that others won’t notice and sympathize about it, to us. We all have our Breakups and Breakdowns in life… but then again, there’s always a way out, as well as IN, in things. Such as Happiness. Sometimes when we actually are happy… we don’t necessarily think we DESERVE it because we’ve most likely have done some bad things in Life where we mentally project these Regrets. In MY case… I’ve been Projecting those Regrets at myself, back and forth…. Left and right. I’ve been literally attacking myself with the common need for punishment, because to be quite blunt… I’ve done nothing with my Life to deserve the Happiness I’ve met the other day. But, when I found it… I debated whether I should Keep it or Lost it. I’m Keeping it. What happens when Happiness doesn’t actually come at a price? What happens when all it takes is freedom of self? The opportunity to Live the way you want, Have Fun the way you want, BE the way you want? Happiness will be met. We all THINK we’re living the way we want… but sometimes in life, Thoughts aren’t all it takes. We all need to deploy a mission to ascertain the disposition and intent on living the way we actually WANT… not the way we THINK we want. When it comes to Happiness… “That which does not DESTROY you, only makes you Happy.”