“Smitten”

Everybody needs a little moment of truth, when it comes to terms of self-evaluation. We all throw ourselves out in the world of ‘joy’ and ‘desperation’ in this never-ending search for that thing we call ‘Love’. But if we know it’s a never-ending search, why do we continue? It seems as if Searching, and Waiting is everyone’s consonant. We go through with it every day of our lives, whether it’s waiting for a call, waiting for food, waiting for love… it’s the number one factor in all of our lives. I’ve always told myself; “Why Wait?” but lately I’ve been realizing that Waiting can not only, possibly mean Forever, but sometimes… waiting is the best thing to do. I mean, Why Rush? I guess we rush into things because it’s how WE feel… and I guess we wait on things because it’s how OTHER’S feel. It’s a weird cycle… we want to rush into things with someone, while that ‘someone’ wants to wait things out and just ‘go with the flow.’ Sometimes, I even wonder WHY we should go with the flow, because we can always hate anything before we try to love it. So, why would we try to make that a definite possibility by ‘going with the flow’ when we can easily trust our instincts, our feelings… and make something of them, rather than a waste of time? They say; “It is better to have loved and lost, rather than to never have loved at all”, Bullshit! I say; “It is better to have never loved, and lost… because it will spare pain.” When it comes to ‘Going With The Flow’………….. FUCK THE FLOW. Go with your instincts.

“The Reason”

Water turns to Wine, Wine turns to Burgundy, Love turns to Hate which eventually causes Heart-Break. When you think about it, everything has it’s form of being, it’s evolution which sheds it’s false form to expose it’s true form. Sometimes these ‘True Forms’ aren’t even meant to be exposed. Sometimes things aren’t even meant to be found. Such as Love. If every problem has it’s solution, then every solution has it’s problem. One drink, which was meant to be a temporary escape, can turn into alcoholism. One cigarette can turn into an addiction which will eventually cause Cancer. Secrets can turn into Betrayal, and Love can turn into one big, chaotic heart-break… which will lead to loneliness, emptiness, incompleteness, and depression. When you think about it, every beginning has it’s end. We all strive for ‘wholeness’, but sometimes that ‘wholeness’ is what makes us these imperfect beings. So why do we keep on going? Why do we literally set ourselves up for these falls? Forever is such an unpleasant word, it begins to eat at you from the inside – out after each step we take, due to the callous failure. So why the fuck do we continue to yearn for something we KNOW we can’t attain? Why do we have so much faith in things that we KNOW will cause a disaster? It seems as if Life itself doesn’t want us to know what happiness is without a disappointment. It kind of makes me wonder…….. if every step we take is a disappointment… can we disappoint the steps we take, enough to make the right steps? Or are things like Love, Happiness, and Wholeness something we’re not meant to find?

“Matter over Mind”

Every now and then, I convince myself strongly to believe that we all have 2 Identities. One of who we REALLY are, and the other of who people THINK we are. To be more complex; We all Represent ourselves to others as someone, or something we're not. For instance; I have a hard time bagging guys, because I'm not one to Approach, but nobody ever approaches me. It's probably because I don't appeal as a Gay Guy, so, men have a hard time coming to terms with other people's sexualities. It kinda sucks that nowadays, you have to wear your heart on your sleeve just to attract what or who you want. Thus causing, and leading you to be volnerable. Sometime's I wonder if it were better if I just approached people... but, on the other hand, would it make a difference? I mean, I too, have a hard time concluding someones sexuality. So why make an ass out of yourself by trusting signals that could be false? I wonder.. since Representation is taken the wrong way, why can't people just show their true colors? The Rainbow Flag persè? Or atleast something that'll make their dating life a little less complicated. And thus far goes for everyone in general. When it comes to Representation....... is it a safer-bet to just take the plunge and allow ourselves to be volnerable?